


A Minor in Asskicking

by NarglesOnHerTongue



Series: Kusagakure no Sato [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: BAMF Bilbo, BAMF Hobbits, BAMF Ori, F/M, Female Bilbo, Green Beast of The Shire!Gimli, I Don't Even Know, Inuzuka Fili and Kili, Konoha gone wrong, Ori as Crouching Scholar Hidden Badass, The REAL reason the Baggins and Tooks hate each other!, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarglesOnHerTongue/pseuds/NarglesOnHerTongue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the Border Patrol, Bluebell (Bilbo) Baggins runs into a group of intruding slavers with captive Dwarflings. Slavery, especially of children is one of the few things that can snap a Hobbit into action.<br/>Unfortunately, Bilbo is the only possible guardian for the four Dwarflings who can't get home yet.<br/>Even more unfortunately, she has no idea how to raise a child, especially of another race.<br/>Thank the Valar her sisters know a little.</p><p>Even if one is a thief and the other a bit crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> You know that story where a dwarf of choice finds themselves lost and somehow winds up in the shire? Usually a Dwarfling? Yeah, I made another one.

Bilbo huffed as she shadowed the men who had been in the market that day. The only non-hobbits were also the only suspects when children went missing, and with men of unknown ability, the person sent would have to be her.

She spied the children in cages. Most of them were from the Shire-Kusagakure no Sato, but there were others. She gently readied her senbon to kill...and let fly.

All the men fell instantly.

Getting the children back to the Shire was simple, most of them understood Japanese, but the children who didn't followed anyway.

\--------------

Bilbo was exhausted. They had to get the children checked out and sent home and the only person the non-Hobbit children even slightly trusted was her. So, now she was going to have to get used to the younglings until the parents or guardians could be found.

That would have to wait until the children were willing to talk to them. She got them back to Bag End without a fuss and they had eaten quietly, hungrily, and gone to bed. The only thing she got out of them were their names.

Fili, Kili, Ori, Gimli.

The biggest surprise was that Ori was a girl.

Maybe she could do this...Maybe she couldn't.

But she wouldn't know unless she tried.

She just hoped Silverbell and Donnabella understood.

When they got back from their trip anyway.


	2. Treble and Tragedy

“Roads go ever ever on,

Over rock and under tree,

By caves where never sun has shone,

By streams that never find the sea;

Over snow by winter sown,

And through the merry flowers of June,

Over grass and over stone,

And under mountains in the moon.

 

Roads go ever ever on,

Under cloud and under star.

Yet feet that wandering have gone

Turn at last to home afar.

Eyes that fire and sword have seen,

And horror in the halls of stone

Look at last on meadows green,

And trees and hills they long have known.

 

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way...

 

Bluebell sang gently to the little red-haired dwarf. Nightmares weren't something she was going to leave them alone with. She despised Demon-dreams. Never had she been so thankful for her Genjutsu training. The number of nightmares had plummeted once she taught the young dwarrow that bad visions could be sent away by yelling kai. It didn't quite work for Gimli though, something the slavers did irrevocably twisted his chakra coils and he couldn't use the methods the others did. 

She wondered vaguely if the children's parents would ever come. It had been nearly eight months. Ori apparently didn't have parents but her brothers were both of age and if the reports on 'Dori's mother-henning were at all correct, they should have been found by now...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Dori was crying on the floor when Nori got home. The thief was not prepared for that.

"Dori!" Nori grabbed his brother by the arms. "What's wrong?"

"Gone." Dori choked out, "Ori is gone. Missing. We were at the market and I turned for a moment, and she shrieked and when I turned again she was gone!"

Nori was silent for a minute. "I'm leaving again, after a bit. I'll find out where she is and I'll make the kidnapper pay with everything they have before killing them." Thieves had their own honor, knowing they broke the codes of others, but the Guild of Thieves had a leader with eyes everywhere, and kidnappers were the lowest of scum to her.

He hoped that he wasn't too late.


	3. A Promising Business Derangement.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow Rulers trump normal ones any day.
> 
> It should be noted that anything even slightly reminiscent of Naruto is Headcannon as I haven't been able to finish a single episode or Manga of the series, all my knowledge of that franchise comes from Fanfiction.
> 
> All belongings to their owners

The beings in the room all sat quietly. The Shadow Queen would be there soon, and nothing was to be done until she was.

"Greetings." The inhabitants jumped at the sudden noise. The Queen was in the head chair as if she had always been there. "Can I assume that all offerings were already placed in the center? Good, now, is there any business? Mirkwood, you go first."

"Milady," a feminine voice spoke up, "I would like to report a successful heist on the royal treasury, distributed slowly over the hands of the Lake Men and other Mannish towns." The woman leaned back. "The bonus was added to this time's offering."

"Very Well, Arnor?"

The information was shared all through the night in this fashion until..."Thank you and Lastly...Ered Luin?"

A shuddering breath shocked the other people, no one had bad news yet so they were rightly worried.

"Slavers."

Dead Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh boy


	4. Silence is Golden, Chains are steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in Hobbiton is great, the children laughing, the hobbits gossiping, the imprisoned slavers screaming their lungs out...Wait...
> 
> Wasn't there supposed to be soundproofing on that building?

Year 2 in Hobbiton  
Schoolyard

Gimli stared at the other kids in school. He had been here a year, he wanted to do what they could do, but he couldn't. Thank the Valar Bilbo was arranging an apprenticeship for him so he wouldn't have to be left behind at graduation. He hoped this 'Gai Fire Lotus' thing worked and he wasn't afraid of impossible odds or unbelievable work loads, so...He sneezed

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
Elsewhere

"YOSH! I shall certainly train your most youthful child!" The Green-Clad monstrosity howled. "If not I shall run the length of the forest using only my fingers!"

"Remember Logo, Teach as you will, but if he behaves like a Youth Lotus in my house I will end you." Bilbo smiled serenely, "Anywhere else is fine, but not near outsiders and not in my house. He graduates in another two years."

"It is a pity your own youth cannot explode too..." Logo smiled.

"I leave the exploding to Donnabella."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
In the house  
*ACHOO* Donna narrowly missed pouring the wrong chemicals together...Oops...Did it anyway...  
*POP*BLAM*  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
School

Fili and Kili looked up at the smoke pouring from what looked like the T&I building again. They held out their hands and Pongo cussed as he handed them his pocket money.

"Not too much betting, the Legendary Sucker Incidents don't need a repeat." The teacher snapped at the inattentive students.

"Nice as an early warning system would be..." The assistant pointed out.

"They're betting on whether the problems we're looking out for will happen. It wouldn't work." The first teacher sighed miserably, before spearing a perfect senbon-half-circle around the latest Nara kid, who mumbled troublesome once his heartbeat slowed down again.  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-  
Unknown Path 

The Shadow Leader of the Thieves Guild was tracking the children of Erid Luin with the representative of the same. She gasped as they stopped at a crossroads she recognized. "What?" Nori asked.

"They went through Hobbiton."

"And?"

"I have your Oath from before...This is my home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There haven't been questions but I should probably point out that I make the rules here...
> 
> 1) Hobbits are the descendants of the Valley-At-The-End debacle, slowly becoming closer to the earth due to overused Nature Chakra, hence the everything, assume many many years.
> 
> 2)The five nations were moved and sort of shuffled. The Old Forest that no one enters is actually where Ninja train. The Grass and Leaf nin are in the fields and forests, the others are in a sort-of memory Space-time jutsu.
> 
> 3) With no Daimyo they are free people. They are ruled by the Thain(Kage) and mostly just train for just-in-case purposes and security.
> 
> 4) The Huuga keep the byakugan and became the Tooks because of the funny way history works, The Uchiha improve the Sharingan, (you have to save the life of someone you don't like to gain Mangekyo) and became the Baggins family.
> 
> 5)The place is known as Grass because they all live on little grassy plains, and everyone forgot which country behaved which way anyhow.


	5. Duct Tape is Silver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori never expected the Thieves Guild Leader to be a Hobbit.
> 
> Or a Sister
> 
> Or the middle child
> 
> Or a Ninja...Whatever those are...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold is Japanese (Hobbit language)

Nori hesitantly waited at the side of the hobbit who was his leader. 'A hobbit. He supposed he shouldn't be quite so shocked. She was against violence...but so many women were...It was probably the ruthlessness against some things that threw him. '

'It didn't really matter because he was going to find his little sister and the identity of the Thieves Queen wasn't his purpose anyway, amazing as it was to be probably the only one anywhere who knew.'

'Stop it Nori, your sister was taken by slavers this isn't the time...'

"Hobbiton." The Thief Queen stated as they moved into the forest on the other side of the road. She took off her hood and turned. Nori almost choked in shock. She was gorgeous, strange white eyes with an amethyst tint to them, under bouncy curls that were colored silver, actual metallic shined silver!

"Nice." Nori was very proud that he didn't squeak as he lowered his own hood, feeling quite self-conscious about his own star-shaped red.

"The wood or my hair?" She said, visibly amused. "Dad was a natural lifelong grey and mom had this shiny blond typical of her family."She changed the subject. "We're going into Hobbiton soon and you need to know to call me Sil or Silver, like everyone does." She smiled at him.

They traveled slowly through the simple forest that was Hobbiton border, until they reached a town-area. Nori would have quite enjoyed the place but he was worried for his sister, and highly distracted by both that and Silver.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Silver sighed as they walked through town. She paused briefly to drag Nori through a genjustu he didn't catch and walked with him up to the building labeled T&I. She opened the door and held it for Nori who paused when inside.

She then turned to the desk. " _ **Pardon, but my friend here tracked his little sister’s disappearance to slavers and we have tracked the slavers to near here. I suppose you have them now?**_  "

_**"Yes, they scream quite loudly, and at a high pitch."**_ He replied

_**"Where are the stolen children?"** _

_**"Your elder sister has taken them in. I think they are at the Acadamy now, and she organized an apprenticeship with the Lotus for the one named Gimli. it was all over."** _

Silver turned to Nori. "The slavers were caught near here, your sister is in the custody of my elder sibling and at the Acadamy. We will pick her up from there in about ten minutes."

She led him out the door.

Then she wondered how her sister had been talked into letting children into her home.

 


	6. Please Stop the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the family was supposed to have something to do with romantic relationships they were sure...oh well.

Kili looked at the teacher and wondered when school was out. It was vaguely dull, not as dull as lessons at home but...he was in the harder ones, interesting that he and Fili had both passed the strategy tests, but in different ways, right now he was on the ANBU track. Funny, he had been called 'lightfoot' in a slightly rude teasing way when he was among Dwarrow but now he was considered a 'heavyfoot' among hobbits. At least he was better than Fili, who was stuck in the 'possible future Kage' class, for being to obvious.

Maybe he shouldn't have tried to steal the teacher's cookies...nah, worth it anyway. Almost no one could hear him when he walked now, even in the sandals some kids laughed at him for. He got more of challenges and less pity here, it was better than the stifling traditions that had held him for years before.

The bloodline tests were tomorrow and he was far to excited to do homework, he couldn't wait.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fili checkmated his shogi opponent and sighed. His brother was on track for ANBU and it certainly wasn't easier in either class, the politics were just different.He missed his brother during the day slightly. He was just glad there were mixed combat classes for all tracks. He was better with the katana than he had been with straight swords. Being able to forge his own chakra blades was a huge bonus as well.

"And that concludes the strategy-history lesson on Kusa in relation to other countries, and the handsigns used during E-ranks, please remember the bloodline affinity tests are tomorrow, Do Not Miss Them. Thank you."

Fili picked up the sword he had made and trudged to the door. He walked down the hall, collected Gimli from his taijutsu class, down another hall he picked up Kili and Ori from ANBU and kunoichi classes.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Gimli hummed 'I See Fire' under his breath as he juggled the senbon he had received in class. He was the youngest of the Dwarflings and he couldn't channel chakra, it set him apart and he didn't like it but it also meant that he got a Jonin instructor straight off and didn't have to wait the ten years he would have to in order to take the Bloodline affinity tests.

He turned to look at the others, and wondered to himself which bloodlines they would get. Ori was almost vicious enough for the Baggins sorry Uchiha. He thought the other two, Fili and Kili would probably both have the same bloodline, not one of the optics though...and they weren't lazy enough for the Nara, uptight enough for Yamanaka, or big enough for Achimichi. Well, they'd find out tomorrow.

There was a dwarf waiting with Nee-san and what had to be her sister, Silver-san. He wondered who he was there for, not him, but Ori or the brothers...?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ori stared. Nori, it had to be and couldn't be and oh gosh, she missed her brothers but she didn't want to leave either...Why was he here?

Well, at least he wasn't worried...

Oh dear.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Silver and Bluebell smiled as Nori and Ori cried and embraced, one family found, two to go. They wondered if they could get Ori here as an apprentice.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nori wasn't expecting it to be this easy. He was very happy though. He wondered whether Ori would like to stay with the Thief Queen's sister, it's not like he was home often but it would be easy to get Dori here and he could visit more often and Ori would have female influences...He wondered how to tell Dori that he left Ori with someone else...If they agreed of course, and he'd have to travel to relieve his brother as soon as possible.

But Ori was fine and here and the Thief Queen was beautiful and for now he didn't care.


End file.
